Salam alayk

I was just back from my usrah. And it was lasted from 5pm to 10.30 pm. Can you imagine how long it is? Haha. But for us, islah nafsi crew, it is just about normal duration. Normal usrah would be around 2 hours or more. We are getting used with it. And insyaAllah, usrah is no longer a burden for us, insyaAllah amen. 

For today’s usrah, i was the one who becoming mc. So, i talked a lot. Kak Atiq asked us this very one question. What change can you see in yourselves after you had joined DnT? How different we were from the last time; the ‘dark’ time?

And this very one question made me ponder. I was wondering in which part of myself that i’ve changed for the sake of Allah. It was not an easy question, neither the hard one, because i can just find the answer by seeing myself. Easy, huh?

I was very worried if i cannot find the answer. In fact, i could just assume that nothing had changed inside me, and i just a normal, typical person just like the long time ago. Few minutes before it was my turn, i just found the answer. Not sure whether it is a good one, but i just hope that it will be better than never. 

I never thought that i had changed for better. Even now, if i’m seeing myself in the mirror, i just wonder with what courage i had taken into. And i just cant imagine if im going back to past and becoming the old me again. Nauzubillah hi minzalik.

And this was few hours before usrah.

I was watching KAMI after my physio test. At first, i just want to watch it just to kill time. But then, i never thought this movie could change my perspective, not in whole, but at least, it changed. I used to become a girl that likes about music, playing instrument, band, writing songs and lyrics, keep updated with gig even i never been there before. The indie things somehow attracted me. Thanks Allah, i didn’t go far.  And when i watched KAMI, it was like seeing the old me. I was imagined myself, if i was to proceed with my plan in the past, would i end up being just like them? Seeing the situation in my current perspective and fikrah, i feel like “oh, is this what i like in the past?”. I couldn’t imagine that. Seriously. And i was very very glad that Allah had taken me back into His Mercy.

Alhamdulillah.

When i went to a daurah in Bangalore, there is one akhawat gave sharing about how this DnT really
favors sacrifice. If you sacrifice this big, then, the return will be the same. Vice versa. And there is no road in this path that doesn’t require sacrifice. Even if we want victory, then we should sacrifice at least. Even for our Prophet s.a.w., he had sacrificed the whole of his life just for the sake of Allah. And thus, he had got the return back. Which are the Garden itself, and much more, the feelings of being with Allah there. masyaAllah.

I still remember when i watched yusuf estes’s talk in dubai, he said that what Allah want from you is just your heart. Your submission to Him completely. He doesn’t want anything else. And by doing that, just leave everything to Allah, and you will be fine. insyaAllah, He is the one that will take care of you no matter where you are and who are you.  And to give our heart is not that easy. Seriously. It requires us to leave all those bad things that we had been embedded in our heart. And to remove it away forever, is not that easy.

I, myself requires years of DnT. This change will of course, intriguing, but believe me, you will soon find its own benefit, which i can promise you, but i don’t know when it will be happen. It will become like a roses path. And even now, i still am improving for better. For Allah and for His paradise. We never reach perfection but the effort is the one that count at the end of the day.

Change is a constant thing. If you don’t change, you will become just like the same yourself until the old day and things never got be better for you. insyaAllah.

shoes, please bring me to a better place.

Lots of love,

ED