salam alayk.

every morning i woke up with a hope of achieving 'tick' on my to-do-list. i have the whole free day to do whatever i want. i started to get myself a planner. starting to wake up early. getting breakfast. have golden times with family.

i've been working out 4 projects so far and they're still ongoing. we're still in a slow pace, but we're making sure we make it, insyaAllah.

but..

later on, i realised that keeping myself busy and settling couples of dreams to be achieved just to give myself that 'satisfaction' is no longer making me happy. i'm now very happy but somehow, feeling empty inside. things are quite a struggle these days, so i've been trying to cope with it. but, coping just like that couldn't help me much. :/

right now, i just feel that i'm not me. i've changed..

hmm.. maybe into an ignorant person, desensitized person. i can only think of those words.

i'm no longer feeling passion deep down in my heart in doing things right now. i'm now pressuring myself to get study, to resume the old projects, to make people think good of me (that's good, but somehow..), and to be happy! odd way, i know.

i miss the old me. who fuss about every inch or details in her work. from the reason of why she's doing this till the end result of it. she's taking care of the niat of doing whatever for Allah so that He will ease things for her, and for everything that she did will be counted as ibadah. yang sangat menjaga daripada sekecil-kecil niat kepada cara bertindak, hinggalah hasil yang terlihat. oh, man. that's the cool way to do things.

because we are being considerate of others (the surrounding, people and the most important, Allah). in everything that we do, He knows it. and actually, everything will depend on Him at last.. whether you strive or fail, it's His matter. All you need to do is just do your best and just leave the rest for Him to take care of. that's the proper way to do things.

purify our heart and keep the reason why we are doing things as humble as possible, and do our best thinking that His rewards will be so much awesome. insyaAllah.

let's start a new beginning, don't we? we are after all, insan, who keeps on forgetting and losing. to Him we will come back, insyaAllah. Amin.

pray for me dear! :)